Thomas' English Muffins offers a variety with "whole wheat flour" at the top of the ingredients list. Deciding to ignore the presence of the chemicals listed below more readily identifiable things like calcium carbonate, I took another look at the front of the package.
There, in large, proud yellow letters were the words, "HEARTIER NOOKS, HEALTHIER CRANNIES."
What more could you want from a mostly-whole-wheat product?
5 comments:
Which is so funny, because I purchased exactly those english muffins last weekend, and thought "Wow, I don't think I've ever seen anything promoted on the strengths of its crannies before."
Now, with more sympathetic and forgiving crannies!
I've always wondered how they could put such a marketing claim on a package such as that and not have any real way to scientifically measure more nooks and crannies.
Hmph.
Maybe somewhere, it's somebody's job to count all those nooks and crannies. Detailed notes about variations in nook-and-cranny numbers between varieties and production dates are probably lurking in a big grey server somewhere. Those notes would be used to generate spreadsheets, bar graphs--maybe even entire Power Point presentations about nooks and crannies. Maybe there's one called "Better Nooks and Crannies and You - A Guide to Quality Control."
If such a person exists, they probably have a boring title involving the words "research and development," but I like to imagine they'd be known as Chief Cranny Inspector.
I can't imagine that screams "hire me!" on a resume. :0)
What about sub-nooks, and crannitos? What if a cranny has a nook inside of it? Does it count as a separate nook, or maybe just 2/3 of a nook? I doubt that crannies are quantized, but maybe nooks are. I now have the basis for my Ph.D. thesis: 'QUANTIZATION AND BEHAVIOR OF NOOKS, SUB-NOOKS, AND SUB-NOOK SYSTEMS IN THOMAS' HEALTHIER ENGLISH MUFFINS'. Sweet! Does one of you want to be my advisor?
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