Fashion Emergency!

It is winter! Sort of! And on this fine Monday morning, static stopped me.

Damn you, static cling! Here I am trying to be all chic and wintery with the matching and the tights and the complete absence of any item of clothing with a cartoon monkey on it, and you rain all over my fashion parade with your electrical charge. Fortunately, a co-worker had a handy solution in the form of a ginormous can of aerosol hairspray. It smells a lot better than Static-Guard, and works really well when applied directly to staticky tights.

This morning's battle with static cling made me realize that, as a Busy Professional On The Go(TM) I should probably have some sort of wardrobe emergency kit in my office. Like any good nerd in need of information, I Googled "wardrobe emergency kit" for ideas that went beyond anti-static spray and a lint roller. I found loads of articles with a range of ideas. This article from MSN's Lifestyle section mentioned a "cashmere wrap" and a clutch purse on its list of "Hard-Hitting Fashion Extras." More sensible items like a sewing kit were listed under "Quick Fashion Fixes." The wrap was suggested for those days when the temperature in the office drops below freezing. While I'm sure that would look all kinds of chic, I don't want to take time out of my work-day every seventy-three seconds to readjust my swanky cashmere wrap. Also, I do not want to be That Girl Who Swanks Around In A Swanky Cashmere Wrap Which is Always Falling Off, God, Why Doesn't She Just Wear a Cardigan Like a Normal Person?

Other items suggested by most of these articles include tiny safety pins (WIN!), a sewing kit (STAPLER!) and the aforementioned lint roller and static guard (CATS! WINTER WEATHER!).

I can really see someone going overboard with this concept. Somewhere (probably in New York) there must be a woman with a job straight out of chick-lit* whose desk drawers are crammed with fixes for every possible fashion emergency. I imagine her to be some sort of fashion emergency office ninja, ambushing linty, coffee-stained co-workers on their way to the break room and making them over in five minutes or less. Hell, that could be her entire job description. She could be Chief Executive In Charge of Lint Roller Acquisition and Coffee Stain Removal. Swanky.

* Fashion magazine editor, handbag designer, PR agent for hand-bag-designing, magazine-editing firm, etc.

Libertine

I didn't end up shelling out for the skull-print vest. It seemed a little thin and a lot bright screaming pink with skulls on.

I considered ordering some Libertine things online--particularly the little black dress other bloggers have been raving about--but I didn't think I could trust the sizing, and didn't want to have to bother with returns or exchanges. My instincts proved correct: not only would I have been disappointed by the items I had considered ordering, but I would never have tried the one item which I ended up buying, the "silk bow blouse" pictured at left ($34.99).

The picture makes the blouse look boxy, shortwaisted and . . . bow-y in a Ringling Bros. sort of way. The blouse I saw at the store was another matter. The color was a nice, warm cream. The fit was long, lean and very tailored. The overall effect was very '40's secretary-glam. This would look fantastic with a pencil skirt and maryjane pumps.

As for the other items in the Libertine line, unless you're part of a barbershop quartet, or are channeling Sgt. Pepper*, you'd be better served to look elsewhere for your summer-to-fall wardrobe.

* If you are part of a barbershop quartet or are channelling St. Pepper, for the love of god, post a comment and picture.

The Irresistible Pull of Argyle . . . And Skulls

Okay, I was all set to make fun of this sweater--of the entire line Libertine has done for Target. I had all these great, snarky comments planned like "I imagine that the American people are in for a long winter of watching suburban soccer moms run around in these things, pining for the good old days when they were bad-asses, just like Debbie in that Bowling For Soup video."

I wrote an entirely different post on the subject* and then I changed my mind.

I took a longer look at this sweater, and checked out the other items on offer at Target's website. I read a couple of reviews by other bloggers. After awhile, I began to find myself strangely drawn to this stuff, particularly to what I know full well is one ugly-ass sweater vest.

But damn, where would I wear a candy-colored, argyle-and-skull-print sweater vest? It wouldn't fit in with the rest of my clothes. My clothes would huddle together and whisper about The Vest.

BASIC WORK PANTS, GREY: I don't know about this: It's so . . . bright.
BASIC WORK PANTS, OTHER GREY: And skully.
BASIC WORK PANTS, BROWN: Yeah. I'm out. I'm definitely out. I can't see this working at all.

The Ger-Man strolled in, and I showed him the picture of The Ugly-Ass Sweater Vest.

"That's ugly." he said. He stared at it for a moment, and then admitted that it's an interesting, unique piece of clothing.

What is it about the combination of argyle and skulls that's so damned appealing? The colors are horrible. I would probably look silly in it, but I can't dismiss it as simply an ugly-ass sweater vest. I have somehow upgraded the thing to An Interesting, Albeit Ugly-Ass, Sweater Vest.

* Because this is the sort of hard-hitting subject I tackle when not writing about Jonathan Coulton, Polkaboy or Whatever Random News Story Pissed Me Off The Most This Morning.