Fashion Emergency!

It is winter! Sort of! And on this fine Monday morning, static stopped me.

Damn you, static cling! Here I am trying to be all chic and wintery with the matching and the tights and the complete absence of any item of clothing with a cartoon monkey on it, and you rain all over my fashion parade with your electrical charge. Fortunately, a co-worker had a handy solution in the form of a ginormous can of aerosol hairspray. It smells a lot better than Static-Guard, and works really well when applied directly to staticky tights.

This morning's battle with static cling made me realize that, as a Busy Professional On The Go(TM) I should probably have some sort of wardrobe emergency kit in my office. Like any good nerd in need of information, I Googled "wardrobe emergency kit" for ideas that went beyond anti-static spray and a lint roller. I found loads of articles with a range of ideas. This article from MSN's Lifestyle section mentioned a "cashmere wrap" and a clutch purse on its list of "Hard-Hitting Fashion Extras." More sensible items like a sewing kit were listed under "Quick Fashion Fixes." The wrap was suggested for those days when the temperature in the office drops below freezing. While I'm sure that would look all kinds of chic, I don't want to take time out of my work-day every seventy-three seconds to readjust my swanky cashmere wrap. Also, I do not want to be That Girl Who Swanks Around In A Swanky Cashmere Wrap Which is Always Falling Off, God, Why Doesn't She Just Wear a Cardigan Like a Normal Person?

Other items suggested by most of these articles include tiny safety pins (WIN!), a sewing kit (STAPLER!) and the aforementioned lint roller and static guard (CATS! WINTER WEATHER!).

I can really see someone going overboard with this concept. Somewhere (probably in New York) there must be a woman with a job straight out of chick-lit* whose desk drawers are crammed with fixes for every possible fashion emergency. I imagine her to be some sort of fashion emergency office ninja, ambushing linty, coffee-stained co-workers on their way to the break room and making them over in five minutes or less. Hell, that could be her entire job description. She could be Chief Executive In Charge of Lint Roller Acquisition and Coffee Stain Removal. Swanky.

* Fashion magazine editor, handbag designer, PR agent for hand-bag-designing, magazine-editing firm, etc.