Random Linkage

It's time for some random linkage!

You want to know more about Lederhosen, you say? But you can't be arsed to go all the way to Bavaria (or even Wisconsin)? Look no further than the Virtual Lederhosen Museum

In the mood for something a bit more English-y? And Transylvania-y? And animated? Take a trip down memory lane to Castle Duckula (In German as well, if you like).

Since it's the weekend, maybe you (unlike me) plan to actually get something done around the house. Maybe you want a new piece of furniture. Maybe you feel like buildling it yourself, but not necessarily according to plan. Ikea Hacker can hook you up (or at least inspire you).

And finally, this guy is in hell. Poor bastard.

Fashion Emergency!

It is winter! Sort of! And on this fine Monday morning, static stopped me.

Damn you, static cling! Here I am trying to be all chic and wintery with the matching and the tights and the complete absence of any item of clothing with a cartoon monkey on it, and you rain all over my fashion parade with your electrical charge. Fortunately, a co-worker had a handy solution in the form of a ginormous can of aerosol hairspray. It smells a lot better than Static-Guard, and works really well when applied directly to staticky tights.

This morning's battle with static cling made me realize that, as a Busy Professional On The Go(TM) I should probably have some sort of wardrobe emergency kit in my office. Like any good nerd in need of information, I Googled "wardrobe emergency kit" for ideas that went beyond anti-static spray and a lint roller. I found loads of articles with a range of ideas. This article from MSN's Lifestyle section mentioned a "cashmere wrap" and a clutch purse on its list of "Hard-Hitting Fashion Extras." More sensible items like a sewing kit were listed under "Quick Fashion Fixes." The wrap was suggested for those days when the temperature in the office drops below freezing. While I'm sure that would look all kinds of chic, I don't want to take time out of my work-day every seventy-three seconds to readjust my swanky cashmere wrap. Also, I do not want to be That Girl Who Swanks Around In A Swanky Cashmere Wrap Which is Always Falling Off, God, Why Doesn't She Just Wear a Cardigan Like a Normal Person?

Other items suggested by most of these articles include tiny safety pins (WIN!), a sewing kit (STAPLER!) and the aforementioned lint roller and static guard (CATS! WINTER WEATHER!).

I can really see someone going overboard with this concept. Somewhere (probably in New York) there must be a woman with a job straight out of chick-lit* whose desk drawers are crammed with fixes for every possible fashion emergency. I imagine her to be some sort of fashion emergency office ninja, ambushing linty, coffee-stained co-workers on their way to the break room and making them over in five minutes or less. Hell, that could be her entire job description. She could be Chief Executive In Charge of Lint Roller Acquisition and Coffee Stain Removal. Swanky.

* Fashion magazine editor, handbag designer, PR agent for hand-bag-designing, magazine-editing firm, etc.

OFF!

Perfume that smells like bug spray: bad.

Very very strong perfume that smells like very very smelly bug spray: worse.

Very very strong perfume that smells like very very smelly bug spray applied liberally to the person of the individual standing next to me in an elevator: badly worstest.

Scurvy Dogs

Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day, ye scurvy dogs!

"Scurvy" isn't a word I heard very often growing up. When I did hear it, it was often being used in a ye-scurvy-dogs sort of way. As a result, I assumed the word was merely an insulting adjective and carried on drinking large amounts of orange juice, blissfully unaware of the life-saving properties of my favorite beverage. To this day the phrase, "ye scurvey dogs!" brings to mind images of mangy-looking seafaring canines, rather than vitamin-deficient pirates.

BANANAPHONE

Thank god there's an internet. If not for this formidable series of tubes, the only people ever to see this video would probably have been the five other members of this kid's high school AV club. And maybe that Latvian guy from the chess team.

Kidding aside, this is hilarious in a way that I can't quite explain. Maybe it's the puppets. Maybe it's the guns on sticks that protrude from the heads of some of the puppets every few frames. Maybe it's the fact that Puppet-Snape kind of looks like Bert from Sesame Street. Whatever. Watch. Laugh. Devote some bandwidth to something besides . . . whatever you usually devote bandwidth to.*

* I devote bandwidth to brazenly ending sentences with prepositions, then creating footnotes to commemorate the accomplishment. Pedantic nerdity is the reason italics exist.**

** In this blog.

I Cite You! I Cite You Some More!

My office manager and I had a discussion today about German food. Her experiences with what was presented to her as "German food" have not been pleasant. She said that everything was boiled and nothing had enough spices in it.

"And there was excessive use of saurkraut."

How awesome would it be to run around citing random people for "excessive use of saurkraut"? I'd like a little notepad full of custom-printed tickets specifically for this purpose. I'd like a jaunty little cap and a bag to wear across my shoulder a la Lovely Rita, Meter Maid.

Oldness

Last night, I actually dreamed about taking a nap. If I start dreaming about wearing double-knit polyester and watching The Price is Right, I may need an Emergency Anti-Aging Intervention.